How Do You Cope With Depression? Part II
A few months ago, I asked: how do you cope with depression? I’ve been thinking about it again since a couple of my friends are having a more difficult time with it lately than usual. Clinical depression as well as some other forms of mental illness happen to run on both sides of our family. It’s something I’ve been battling myself for years and have observed in many of my dearest friends. In my blogpost, I described it as a malady of the strong since most of the best, most compassionate people I know are battling it.
Depression is a mean fight that comes out of nowhere sometimes. Just when you think you’ve conquered it…POW! It hits you again. Pills definitely help, but are only one weapon in the arsenal for keeping the dragon from eating you alive. But finding the right pill is an arduous process in and of itself, by trial and error, and takes months and often years of painful experimentation. Things usually get a whole lot darker before the right drug is finally found. If you’re lucky, one day you’ll suddenly feel like asking, “Who just turned on the lights?” Although pills can help and make all the difference, they aren’t a magic bullet. Some people I’ve known search for years looking for it, thinking there is such a thing, but never find it. They don’t realize depression is a war you have to wage on several fronts. You have to be extremely vigilant in exercising religiously, eating right, and getting enough sleep, but the most powerful weapon of all is controlling your own mind. It’s not as easy as chanting positive mantras to yourself all day long. You have to swim hard against the river of negativity to keep yourself from being pulled under by its powerful, disabling currents. It’s a fight To the death. You have to pray with everything inside you sometimes to keep moving one stroke at a time, because it’s imperative to keep yourself floating on the calm surface of reality.
One of the most powerful exercises is to keep a journal with lists of what you’re grateful for. This can be really difficult at first when you’re in so much emotional pain. You may have to begin with simple, obvious things like being grateful you own a toothbrush or for the roof over your head. There are so many people in the world who don’t even have these. This exercise helps to ground you in reality. It helps you to see what reality actually is.
Another powerful tool is to examine the thing you think is causing you so much pain—the vehicle your depression chooses to drive around in. It may be something someone said, causing you to think they don’t like you. Or it may be something as stupid as thinking how your husband must not love you anymore since he doesn’t have the consideration to eat more quietly. When you have depression, little things get blown out of proportion in your search to find out where all this pain is coming from. Try to look at things from another person’s perspective, especially if it seems like everyone you know doesn’t like you all of a sudden. At those times, you have to face the fact that you’re the one with the problem obviously, because the whole world can’t be in on one big conspiracy against you. Although it can sometimes feel exactly like that. Give others the benefit of the doubt and realize that people are flawed and probably doing the best they can too. Understand that you can’t judge them because it’s unlikely you know all the crap they’re dealing with—just like most people don’t know about the huge plate of crap you’re dealing with in depression.
One of the most important tools against depression is to try to serve other people as much as you can. It may seem impossible at times because it feels like you can’t even take care of yourself. Depression definitely has a big, fat downside to it, but it can also be a priceless gift. Use your depression to be more empathetic to others and more compassionate. The strongest people I know are the ones battling depression and mental illness with this in mind. They make the world a better place for everyone by trying not to focus on their own problems and turning their attention to others who are struggling in all kinds of different ways. They know how it feels to be knocked down and how good it feels to have someone offer an outstretched hand.
Depression and mental illnesses are tough, so you have to get tough with them. It takes all your strength and mental and emotional energy to pull yourself out of it. You can’t let yourself obsess about how bad you feel and how sad your life is. You have to focus and make yourself take that cumbersome step out into the darkness to find the light. You have to quit talking to everyone about it, not because of the stigma of mental illness, but because you need to think only of becoming strong. You need to focus on that pin prick of light up ahead, miles in the distance and call upon every tool you have for help. Sometimes it’s all you can do to keep from locking yourself in your room all day long, but start with that. Maybe all you can do is brush your teeth everyday or take a shower. Whatever it is, then do it as consistently as you can. Do a little more each day. Some days you might back track, but try again the next. Don’t engage in ANY self criticism. Be kind to yourself, but also be tough. Don’t let depression become an excuse for not being the person you want to become, but keep moving in the right direction, pushing yourself gradually more from week to week. Focus as much as you can on making life more comfortable and better for the people around you. Don’t justify making other people clean up after you. Do as much as you possibly can to make their lives easier too.
If you love someone suffering with mental illness, it’s heart wrenching. It’s frustrating and sometimes maddening to have to watch them suffer while you feel totally helpless. You want to pick them up and carry them back to happiness and relief, but you need to be careful with this. Although you may mean well, treating someone with mental illness like they’re defective is not helpful. Treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve in this vicious battle they’re engaged in. Be aware of their limitations and be gentle, but don’t coddle them. Make them stretch a little while being careful not to push them too hard. Be loving and understanding. This is the outstretched hand someone with depression needs and longs for.
Please leave a comment and share your experiences with me about the struggle of mental illness as it relates to you or someone you love. We’re in this together.
